Queer Trans Interdependency

Some thoughts about interdependency and the trans/gender non-conforming experience(s). There is so much talk of “when you truly love yourself, only then will you be able to find love,” “when you feel whole and at one with yourself, only then will you be able to welcome love into your life.” This is a bunch of cishet ableist privilege.

How does one construct a sense of self & desirability when everything and everyone tells you that you and your body are worthless? When every piece of media tells you that your body is a conundrum deserving of persistent questioning. When your body elicits violence.

Do you understand the project of desirability for a queer trans person is a project of insurmountable odds? Do you understand that self-love is not viable for all of us, and the assumption that it is, is cishet ableist privilege?

It is okay to need someone else in order to love yourself. Interdependency is not weakness; it is honest, and it is vulnerable, and the world needs more of it.

Independence is overrated and deeply rooted in colonialist & capitalist projects. It is okay to need another to affirm yourself. It is okay. It is REALLY okay. No amount of ab workouts, kale smoothies, yoga, personal development, blah, blah, blah, can replace the deep human need to be seen, fully, by another.